Pro Tip of the Day: no matter how much you love your rub and tug masseuse, continue to use your fake name. This comes to us from a guy who just woke up in Bangkok with a rip-roaring headache and only one kidney.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth Podcast, Matt and I delve into Elizabeth Warren’s Cherokee genes, support the trans power bottom suing the shit out of the Shitty Men in Media google doc list publisher, wonder how long until SNL drops the hammer on charity case Pete Davidson, work through the pathology of Aaron Hernandez and his locker room free-balling, and initiate a new segment: This Week in Crazy White Privileged Chicks. It’s offensive, but also crude.

For those of you who feel like making Jesus and the Karmic gods look upon you kindly, be sure to visit our Patreon account and spend $1 (or more) becoming a LMOE subscriber. We are a public good. And you are the kind of person who feels guilty. We’re counting on it.

This is no time for White Males to stand up and be counted. The stanzas of simplistic chants directed at your patriarchal domineering alone are enough to make you want to build a rocket ship and aim toward a new sun. Nevertheless, Matt and I, the two whitest males in the history of alabaster masculinity remain determined to fight the tide. Not for a noble purpose so much as we drank too much and can’t find the door. I like beer.

On this week’s prophetic podcast, we delve deep into the radically enraged minds of college educated white women who are stomping around the planet like elephants in musth, which is bullishly ironic, we tackle the issue of false allegations prevalent in sexual assault cases and how Believe Her basically means more innocent black men will be fucked, Matt for some reason feels a need to call all Eagles music fans simpleton assholes, and then we dream of ways to kill hipsters on Bird motorized scooters in coastal towns. It’s all fun, except for the murder part, we’re serious about that part.

In this week’s Patreon members Bonus Segment, we plummet into the protesting cleavage of Emily Ratajkowski and try to make some salient points while mostly skimming through her Best Of photos on Google. Safe Search definitely off.

It’s easy to assume the world is going crazy, because it is. Not in that slow, stepped way either. Nope, like overnight, that woman you knew as the helpful town pharmacist for 40 years is on the roof spraying bullets to stop the alien invasion. In that analogy, the world is the chunky lady with the AK-47. I’m not sure what the aliens are.

On this week’s podcast, we delve into what’s ailing this world, like the new California law forcing companies to put a quota of women on Boards, you know, to make up for slavery. Also, Cristiano Ronaldo Vegas anal rape allegations, Lady Gaga’s self-harming fan base harming the movie Venom, Lindsay Lohan speaking in a caricature Arabic voice trying to steal Syrian refugee children off the streets of Moscow and being punched, and Christian Bale in his latest and greatest fat-guy method role, as Dick Cheney in a movie you can’t figure anybody actually goes to see in the theaters.

And in our epic Bonus Segment for Patreon Patrons, we get down and dirty into J.K. Rowling, faux diversity in Harry Potter, and why it’s okay to pick Asian women like Claudia Kim to play the pet snakes. It just is. But you have to listen.

There’s simply a ton of raping going on these days. Don’t let the stats fool you. Cosby raped a bunch of women’s toes and ears. Brett Kavanaugh raped his liver in high school, if not a girl with a very squeaky voice, and Matt raped our toilet here after eating some bad cheap seafood. What ever happened to simply asking nicely for some action and smiling kindly?

On this week’s podcast we delve into the Cosby case and conviction, Pete Davidson’s apology tour around Ariana Grande’s privates, the first female duo NFL game broadcast that nobody heard, Eva Mendes and the onslaught of exhausted rich Hollywood working moms, Suge Knight and his obvious oncoming plan for prison escape, and I talk shit about the Handmaid’s Tale and get lost in a patriarchal rape circle. It all makes sense if you only listen.

This week’s Panties in a Bunch bonus segment for Patreon members features a frank discussion about the Kavanaugh-Blasey Ford hearing before the bumbling stumbling U.S. Senate. It’s a doozy you don’t want to miss.

Sincerely,

Lex.