Author: LexJurgen

  • LMOE #161 – Yang Gangs, Bang Gangs, and Chelsea Hooligans

    Coming off my audio failures this week, I put extra effort into being profound, on-topic, and thoughtful -- or, none of the things that come naturally to me. Meh, too much work. It's like the frog and the scorpion porn clip where the girl dressed up as the frog tries to figure out why the dude scorpion put his thing in her. Some things in life are better left as mysteries.

  • LMOE #160 — The Unbroken

    One thing I've learned in life is to admit when you made a mistake, learn from that mistake, then beat your children to mask your feelings of shame. Everybody has their own plan. I did manage to delete the front half of the show and somehow have an audio software that rolls circa 1988 without auto-save or auto-recovery or "hey, you fucked up, now restore your file" as an option. Damn you, shareware!

  • LMOE #159 – Amy Schumer Pump and Dump

    It's harder for Matt and I to get together these days, what with my running a shelter for runaway teen girls who are height-weight proportionate and hate their fathers, and Matt's multiple ankle-bracelets and restrictive curfews. So when we do meet up, we try to make it count with insightful comments, wise analysis, and profound thoughts. I mean, we would do that if we could, but we can't, so we slather on the bullshit and add a few exclamation points to make it seem official.

  • LMOE #158 – Powerlifting T’s and Burkini Arousal

    Nothing says kiss-ass like a men's media outlet putting together a woman's edition. There's the obligatory celebration of Serena Williams and a chick in Pakistan who was murdered for trying to attend a typing class The two hero stories being largely interchangeable. Matt and I decided to take a different tact for our annual women's edition by focusing on some really appalling stories of feminist overload overkill. Not everybody can be as woke as GQ or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit.

  • LMOE #157 – The One With the Gay POTUS

    America may now be evolved enough that we can have a completely immature discussion about what it might be like to have a sexually active gay President in the White House. Or would this ever happen? Is America ready for a male President who is crushing hard on Zac Efron?

  • LMOE #156 – Cardi B Robbing and Whoring

    The better part of having a show like the Last Men on Earth podcast is knowing exactly how to respond to any app tool asking if your content contains explicit language. YES. Though you might think it odd that the presence of adult language remains of utmost concern to publishers in 2019, what with fake news, data theft, the willful distribution of crass commercialism and idiocy parading as clickable content, and war in 37 nations as we speak. But, yes, fuck, and shit and piss still seems to be the great correlation to modern civilization horror.

  • LMOE #155 – Hollywood’s Hot Women Rise Against

    I don't know how your town or industry works, but here in Hollywood, a hot girl with an amazing body can't catch a break. Blonde beauties like Brie Larson and steamy hot busty Latinas like Salma Hayek struggle share a bond of oppression previously only know by Southern sharecroppers and the embattled Hmong people of the central California valley regions. Thoughts and prayers, ladies. Be strong.

  • LMOE #154 – Transgender Sports Domination

    When I used to play sports, people told me I ran like a girl. Little did I know that in the future boys like me would have a chance to dominate the Connecticut High School Girls Track finals. I identify as first place!

  • LMOE #153 – Deadnaming, Naked Professors, and Bezos Peen

    Do you ever look around this world and think to yourself, man, I'm glad Ol' Dirty Bastard died before he had to see all of this shit? No. Me neither. Though it's hard not to reminisce about a time when political correctness was roundly mocked and scolded, rather than the practical law of the land. The return of all types of tribunals has not served this planet well.

  • LMOE #152 – Andy King Going Down, Emily Ratajkowski Rising Up

    I like to think of Matt and I as great detectives searching for real evidence in a worldwide case of fake news, bullshit, obfuscation, and misdirection. But, honestly, neither of us would pass a background check to be a detective in any known law enforcement office. Damn you pee tests and criminal background searches. Unlicensed muckrakers we remain.

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