Pro Tip of the Day: no matter how much you love your rub and tug masseuse, continue to use your fake name. This comes to us from a guy who just woke up in Bangkok with a rip-roaring headache and only one kidney.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth Podcast, Matt and I delve into Elizabeth Warren’s Cherokee genes, support the trans power bottom suing the shit out of the Shitty Men in Media google doc list publisher, wonder how long until SNL drops the hammer on charity case Pete Davidson, work through the pathology of Aaron Hernandez and his locker room free-balling, and initiate a new segment: This Week in Crazy White Privileged Chicks. It’s offensive, but also crude.

For those of you who feel like making Jesus and the Karmic gods look upon you kindly, be sure to visit our Patreon account and spend $1 (or more) becoming a LMOE subscriber. We are a public good. And you are the kind of person who feels guilty. We’re counting on it.

This is no time for White Males to stand up and be counted. The stanzas of simplistic chants directed at your patriarchal domineering alone are enough to make you want to build a rocket ship and aim toward a new sun. Nevertheless, Matt and I, the two whitest males in the history of alabaster masculinity remain determined to fight the tide. Not for a noble purpose so much as we drank too much and can’t find the door. I like beer.

On this week’s prophetic podcast, we delve deep into the radically enraged minds of college educated white women who are stomping around the planet like elephants in musth, which is bullishly ironic, we tackle the issue of false allegations prevalent in sexual assault cases and how Believe Her basically means more innocent black men will be fucked, Matt for some reason feels a need to call all Eagles music fans simpleton assholes, and then we dream of ways to kill hipsters on Bird motorized scooters in coastal towns. It’s all fun, except for the murder part, we’re serious about that part.

In this week’s Patreon members Bonus Segment, we plummet into the protesting cleavage of Emily Ratajkowski and try to make some salient points while mostly skimming through her Best Of photos on Google. Safe Search definitely off.

It’s easy to assume the world is going crazy, because it is. Not in that slow, stepped way either. Nope, like overnight, that woman you knew as the helpful town pharmacist for 40 years is on the roof spraying bullets to stop the alien invasion. In that analogy, the world is the chunky lady with the AK-47. I’m not sure what the aliens are.

On this week’s podcast, we delve into what’s ailing this world, like the new California law forcing companies to put a quota of women on Boards, you know, to make up for slavery. Also, Cristiano Ronaldo Vegas anal rape allegations, Lady Gaga’s self-harming fan base harming the movie Venom, Lindsay Lohan speaking in a caricature Arabic voice trying to steal Syrian refugee children off the streets of Moscow and being punched, and Christian Bale in his latest and greatest fat-guy method role, as Dick Cheney in a movie you can’t figure anybody actually goes to see in the theaters.

And in our epic Bonus Segment for Patreon Patrons, we get down and dirty into J.K. Rowling, faux diversity in Harry Potter, and why it’s okay to pick Asian women like Claudia Kim to play the pet snakes. It just is. But you have to listen.

There’s simply a ton of raping going on these days. Don’t let the stats fool you. Cosby raped a bunch of women’s toes and ears. Brett Kavanaugh raped his liver in high school, if not a girl with a very squeaky voice, and Matt raped our toilet here after eating some bad cheap seafood. What ever happened to simply asking nicely for some action and smiling kindly?

On this week’s podcast we delve into the Cosby case and conviction, Pete Davidson’s apology tour around Ariana Grande’s privates, the first female duo NFL game broadcast that nobody heard, Eva Mendes and the onslaught of exhausted rich Hollywood working moms, Suge Knight and his obvious oncoming plan for prison escape, and I talk shit about the Handmaid’s Tale and get lost in a patriarchal rape circle. It all makes sense if you only listen.

This week’s Panties in a Bunch bonus segment for Patreon members features a frank discussion about the Kavanaugh-Blasey Ford hearing before the bumbling stumbling U.S. Senate. It’s a doozy you don’t want to miss.



And now you find yourself in ’82
The disco hotspots hold no charm for you

Yeah, this was bound to happen. The 36-year old career blocking sort of rape sort of remember high school party unwanted grope alleged of SCOTUS nominee, Brett Kavanaugh. The ensuing imbroglio and media firestorm has pitted the stupidest members of both partisan clans in a rhetorical battle of completely unfounded commentary. It’s what our world has become. Or always was. Only now all the assholes have microphones, including Matt and I.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into Kavanaugh’s HS rape paws, wonder why the hell you’d invite Anne Hathaway to your party to apologize for being white, rip on This is Us creator Dan Fogelman for being a white guy claiming white guy critics sabotage his work, fall in love with Malaysian con-man, Jho Low, laugh an ironic laugh at Asia Argento suing the shit out of Rose McGowan, and say something about Jared Leto saying something about the male model gender pay gap. Man, we love to talk.

If you’re a sentient human with passion and grace, you’ll want to check out our Bonus Segment this week for Patreon members of our show, discussing the celebrity lyme disease near-fatally afflicting Avril Lavgine among other rich and tired young people and models. We pull no punches, despite her horrendous fake disease.

I always joke about how this episode is going into the Smithsonian. None of these episodes are headed for official government or museum archives. But somewhere I like to think Larry Flynt is burying time capsules full of his era’s most obscene content and we’ll be Saran-wrapped next to Jugs. Dare to dream.

On this week’s episode we delve into the Serena Williams bicep bulging U.S. Open meltdown and how nobody in the media is allowed to mock her tantrums, touch on Norm McDonald playing the shit out of the outraged class, discuss censorship in scientific research based on activist group threats, Matt kind of defends the Dine and Dash serial stick-it to female dates guy, we wonder if Miss America pageant could become any more pointless, and try to figure out why Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens is suddenly our nation’s most worthy charity case. It’s a lot, but we talk slowly because we’re hardly gifted.

In our Bonus Segment this week for Patreon members, we dive into the Title IX case in Michigan which finally allows guys on campus accused of rape to question the statements of their accusers, because quite impossibly, until now, they weren’t allowed to question their accusers. Amazing.

The benefit of a modern digital and omnipresent media is the ability to know the sick and disturbing truths about anyone and anything we once held dear. Wait, I meant, that’s the downside. The benefit is free porn. Easy to forget the distinction, even if it is the basis of our little weekly get-together on The Last Men on Earth.

On this week’s podcast we definitely and fairly deride John McCain, wonder whether truth matters at all in the making of a modern rape victim singer-songwriter, discuss who might be the arbiter of when #MeToo convicted offenders might be able to come back above ground, discuss the media’s overblown reaction to Hawaii’s volcano eruption and how they’re ruining everything, dare each to visit a sex doll brothel to have a poke at latex A.I., and play America’s hottest new game: who’s more despicable — Asia Argento or Rose McGowan? Hint, you can’t answer wrongly.

In our bonus segment for members of the show, we delve into Demi Lovato’s pill dealer’s rather brazen interview about sex and Oxy with Demi on slow nights in the hills. It’s sickening. I mean, we are sickening, not a burned out former kid star drug addict and her gold medallion wearing connect getting it on. That’s quite beautiful. Check it out.

Of course, certain stories just drop right into your lap like exotic dances on the make. When Asia Argento and her sisters armed with venom at the seedy Hollywood system and its even seedier players, you simply knew shoes would drop in all sorts of directions. Partly based on the fact Harvey Weinstein and his team of Mossad trained information assassins are on a scorched earth policy; and partly because everybody in this business is dirty. Finding sexual indiscretions and hypocrisy in the lives of entertainment industry veteran is like finding gambling in Casablanca. You need only look.

In addition to delving into how Asia Argento probably did push Anthony Bourdain over the bathrobe belt cliff, on this week’s podcast Matt and I get into the sad sack that is Terry Crews, Tekashi69’s plea to go by his kindly Hispanic birth name while in court, why older guys suddenly feel a need to explain to the world why they like younger women, laugh mostly at PETA’s latest animal campaign, talk Kelsey Grammer’s new pube slave tattoo, and question exactly what it might take to kill Lamar Odom to the death. It’s explicit. But explicit is good.

In our bonus segment this week for Patreon subscribers, we delve into Rosamund Pike’s baffling and attempting to be heroic story about refusing to show her body off in casting for a Bond movie. Everybody in town’s got a story. And in every story, they are amazing.

I never thought this little podcast of ours would become the most profound and thoughtful take on the times we live in. And I was right. Not even close. However, if you listen regularly, and without falling into a fentanyl coma, you will learn a thing or two. Like Mister Rogers with swear words, or just Mister Rogers when the cameras were off.

On this week’s show, Matt and I get into the Speedo activist at the Encore Beach Club in Vegas, decry racism in the rather varied response to drug users of different colors in Los Angeles, call out airlines for extorting cash for your basic needs, Matt explains why nurses don’t belong in porn clips, we both laugh at the backlash over the Oscars honoring films audiences actually pay to watch, and give some kind of big-hands trophy to the first tranny gubernatorial candidate in Vermont.

Be sure to avidly consume our BONUS CONTENT ON PATREON this week wherein we delve into lesbian Batwoman and the backlash against Ruby Rose, my worst airplane seat mate ever.

There are days I don’t want to get out of bed. But not podcast show days. Those are the times I raise myself by sheer force of will and find the strength to share the truth with the world. Also, cocaine mixed with Maxwell House. More the latter really. Everybody must do their part.

Check out this week’s Patreon Exclusive Bonus Content for rather sensitive information about Melania Trump’s hooking.

On this week’s episode of Last Men on Earth, Matt and I question the logic of letting everybody pick their own genders based on discounted car insurance rates, agree that sexual consent apps are huge boner killers, debate which muscle group in particular gives away Serena William’s equine steroid doping protocols the most, Matt explains how Demi Lovato might be faking her own near-death, we wonder aloud as all of Hollywood’s A-list clamors to be in the new movie about dead fat Roger Ailes and Fox News, and we both say something mean about Kim Kardashian.