And now you find yourself in ’82
The disco hotspots hold no charm for you

Yeah, this was bound to happen. The 36-year old career blocking sort of rape sort of remember high school party unwanted grope alleged of SCOTUS nominee, Brett Kavanaugh. The ensuing imbroglio and media firestorm has pitted the stupidest members of both partisan clans in a rhetorical battle of completely unfounded commentary. It’s what our world has become. Or always was. Only now all the assholes have microphones, including Matt and I.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into Kavanaugh’s HS rape paws, wonder why the hell you’d invite Anne Hathaway to your party to apologize for being white, rip on This is Us creator Dan Fogelman for being a white guy claiming white guy critics sabotage his work, fall in love with Malaysian con-man, Jho Low, laugh an ironic laugh at Asia Argento suing the shit out of Rose McGowan, and say something about Jared Leto saying something about the male model gender pay gap. Man, we love to talk.

If you’re a sentient human with passion and grace, you’ll want to check out our Bonus Segment this week for Patreon members of our show, discussing the celebrity lyme disease near-fatally afflicting Avril Lavgine among other rich and tired young people and models. We pull no punches, despite her horrendous fake disease.

I always joke about how this episode is going into the Smithsonian. None of these episodes are headed for official government or museum archives. But somewhere I like to think Larry Flynt is burying time capsules full of his era’s most obscene content and we’ll be Saran-wrapped next to Jugs. Dare to dream.

On this week’s episode we delve into the Serena Williams bicep bulging U.S. Open meltdown and how nobody in the media is allowed to mock her tantrums, touch on Norm McDonald playing the shit out of the outraged class, discuss censorship in scientific research based on activist group threats, Matt kind of defends the Dine and Dash serial stick-it to female dates guy, we wonder if Miss America pageant could become any more pointless, and try to figure out why Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens is suddenly our nation’s most worthy charity case. It’s a lot, but we talk slowly because we’re hardly gifted.

In our Bonus Segment this week for Patreon members, we dive into the Title IX case in Michigan which finally allows guys on campus accused of rape to question the statements of their accusers, because quite impossibly, until now, they weren’t allowed to question their accusers. Amazing.

The benefit of a modern digital and omnipresent media is the ability to know the sick and disturbing truths about anyone and anything we once held dear. Wait, I meant, that’s the downside. The benefit is free porn. Easy to forget the distinction, even if it is the basis of our little weekly get-together on The Last Men on Earth.

On this week’s podcast we definitely and fairly deride John McCain, wonder whether truth matters at all in the making of a modern rape victim singer-songwriter, discuss who might be the arbiter of when #MeToo convicted offenders might be able to come back above ground, discuss the media’s overblown reaction to Hawaii’s volcano eruption and how they’re ruining everything, dare each to visit a sex doll brothel to have a poke at latex A.I., and play America’s hottest new game: who’s more despicable — Asia Argento or Rose McGowan? Hint, you can’t answer wrongly.

In our bonus segment for Patreon.com members of the show, we delve into Demi Lovato’s pill dealer’s rather brazen interview about sex and Oxy with Demi on slow nights in the hills. It’s sickening. I mean, we are sickening, not a burned out former kid star drug addict and her gold medallion wearing connect getting it on. That’s quite beautiful. Check it out.

Of course, certain stories just drop right into your lap like exotic dances on the make. When Asia Argento and her sisters armed with venom at the seedy Hollywood system and its even seedier players, you simply knew shoes would drop in all sorts of directions. Partly based on the fact Harvey Weinstein and his team of Mossad trained information assassins are on a scorched earth policy; and partly because everybody in this business is dirty. Finding sexual indiscretions and hypocrisy in the lives of entertainment industry veteran is like finding gambling in Casablanca. You need only look.

In addition to delving into how Asia Argento probably did push Anthony Bourdain over the bathrobe belt cliff, on this week’s podcast Matt and I get into the sad sack that is Terry Crews, Tekashi69’s plea to go by his kindly Hispanic birth name while in court, why older guys suddenly feel a need to explain to the world why they like younger women, laugh mostly at PETA’s latest animal campaign, talk Kelsey Grammer’s new pube slave tattoo, and question exactly what it might take to kill Lamar Odom to the death. It’s explicit. But explicit is good.

In our bonus segment this week for Patreon subscribers, we delve into Rosamund Pike’s baffling and attempting to be heroic story about refusing to show her body off in casting for a Bond movie. Everybody in town’s got a story. And in every story, they are amazing.

I never thought this little podcast of ours would become the most profound and thoughtful take on the times we live in. And I was right. Not even close. However, if you listen regularly, and without falling into a fentanyl coma, you will learn a thing or two. Like Mister Rogers with swear words, or just Mister Rogers when the cameras were off.

On this week’s show, Matt and I get into the Speedo activist at the Encore Beach Club in Vegas, decry racism in the rather varied response to drug users of different colors in Los Angeles, call out airlines for extorting cash for your basic needs, Matt explains why nurses don’t belong in porn clips, we both laugh at the backlash over the Oscars honoring films audiences actually pay to watch, and give some kind of big-hands trophy to the first tranny gubernatorial candidate in Vermont.

Be sure to avidly consume our BONUS CONTENT ON PATREON this week wherein we delve into lesbian Batwoman and the backlash against Ruby Rose, my worst airplane seat mate ever.

There are days I don’t want to get out of bed. But not podcast show days. Those are the times I raise myself by sheer force of will and find the strength to share the truth with the world. Also, cocaine mixed with Maxwell House. More the latter really. Everybody must do their part.

Check out this week’s Patreon Exclusive Bonus Content for rather sensitive information about Melania Trump’s hooking.

On this week’s episode of Last Men on Earth, Matt and I question the logic of letting everybody pick their own genders based on discounted car insurance rates, agree that sexual consent apps are huge boner killers, debate which muscle group in particular gives away Serena William’s equine steroid doping protocols the most, Matt explains how Demi Lovato might be faking her own near-death, we wonder aloud as all of Hollywood’s A-list clamors to be in the new movie about dead fat Roger Ailes and Fox News, and we both say something mean about Kim Kardashian.

Being a straight white male comes with tremendous privileges. The secret clubs come to mind where we hand each other the keys to the kingdom and recommit ourselves to denying access to all others. Not all that secret; we meet in the back of Carrows every other Tuesday, codename: Kiwanis. With all of this privilege, it’s about the disenfranchised people who produce Broadway shows bring to the stage, Straight White Men, a satirical takedown of all this privilege. Matt and I just ordered our tickets. Or did we merely snap our fingers and make them appear? This shit is sinister.

SUBSCRIBE TO LMOE PODCAST FOR FREE ON ITUNES

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we delve into Straight White Men, the Broadway show, and wonder whether it’s truly a Beta male bubble phenomenon or something worth concerning real people, we take a crack at being the only people who care about Demi Lovato, defend the right of unemployed actresses to raise money on Kickstarter to start a female only podcast network free of “creeps”, Matt offers suggestions to make Big 3 Basketball even more baller, we contemplate the Tekashi69 origin story, and make fun of the Bronfman heiresses for being part of the Keith Raniere sex cult. I feel this could be the episode that gets put in the Smithsonian.

Additionally, for our Patreon most-awesome members, we have Bonus Content featuring a dark and darker discussion of the likes of Dan Harmon’s humping-a-baby video and James Gunn’s pedo-rape Tweets and how to reconcile those in your hearts and minds. It’s disturbing, but we go there. Oh, we go there.

Neither the rockets red glare nor the illegal Mexi-fireworks bursting in air could sway Matt and I from our appointed recording rounds to knock out LMOE #127. America! You’re far from perfect, but you’re still the girl at the dance everybody wants to feel up.

On this week’s podcast we delve into the sexual mummification death of a UCLA gay studies professor in the dungeon of a William Morris executive, laugh again at Terry Crews for his tears-of-an-oversized-clown routine before Congress, analyzed Amber Heard’s call for her rich friends to protect their illegal servants from ICE, tranny-backed Scarlett Johansson, and gagged a bit discussing Mama June in her new lingerie spread.

For our fans on Patreon, there is bonus content, Panties in a Bunch: Why Are Privileged White Women So Fucking Angry? We break down the chaos and depression of white chicks with credit cards. Very feminist in our thinking, I assure you.

Be sure to subscribe to our show for free on iTunes, leave a comment, would that really kill you?

My grandmother once told me, there’s a reason they don’t have boxing in the Special Olympics. She left it at that. It took me nearly two decades to figure out what she meant. And no, I’m not telling you. You’ve got nineteen years to beat me.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt fights through a raging case of cerebral herpes as we discuss CHRISSY TEIGEN breasts as dutiful mother and attention whore, SUGE KNIGHT denied request for an obvious escape attempt, laugh at KAT VON D for being a vegan anti-vaxxer tattoo artist, wonder aloud if that dude from Riverdale who wrote fat jokes about chicks on Twitter back in 2012 will ever work again, discuss the type of guy who never carries cash, and wonder if Russian Burger King doesn’t have the right idea urging their native ladies to ingest the semen of World Cup stars from around the world.

And in our Panties in a Bunch bonus segment this week, EXCLUSIVELY FOR OUR PATREON SUBSCRIBERS, I provide an explanation of the creepy email CHRIS HARDWICK sent me while dating CHLOE DYKSTRA, though also why I don’t think being creepy ought to cost you your job.

Join us if you will on FacebookTwitter, or iTunes.

(NOTE: We’re now recording our Panties in a Bunch outrage segment as bonus content for our Patreon members who shell out one buck in the name of humanity. This week’s segment: How Gay Pride Month Shafted Black History Month. It’s a must listen if you have half a brain. But no more than that.)

June is Offensive Podcast Appreciation month, I’m fairly sure, need to look that up. Matt and I were determined to add some nuggets of wisdom and truth to our crap salad of words this week in honor of the celebration. Did we succeed? Probably not. I think we need a life coach.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we ventured into the musings of Gender Studies deep thinker Suzanna Danuta Walters, she’s one of the best, agreed that we’d hang ourselves with a bathrobe belt if Rose McGowan pulled all-nighter rants in our living room, defended Jamie Foxx’s penis, outed Rotten Tomatoes for their gender bump, questioned how you’d know if an unemployed young actress in Hollywood was in a sex cult or merely a waitress, and Matt sort of agreed finally that Kanye West is a rap marketing genius.

Subscribe to the show on iTunes. Rumor is Apple will give you a free iPhone X and a cold-faced hummer if you do. Can’t confirm as of yet.