Being a straight white male comes with tremendous privileges. The secret clubs come to mind where we hand each other the keys to the kingdom and recommit ourselves to denying access to all others. Not all that secret; we meet in the back of Carrows every other Tuesday, codename: Kiwanis. With all of this privilege, it’s about the disenfranchised people who produce Broadway shows bring to the stage, Straight White Men, a satirical takedown of all this privilege. Matt and I just ordered our tickets. Or did we merely snap our fingers and make them appear? This shit is sinister.

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On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we delve into Straight White Men, the Broadway show, and wonder whether it’s truly a Beta male bubble phenomenon or something worth concerning real people, we take a crack at being the only people who care about Demi Lovato, defend the right of unemployed actresses to raise money on Kickstarter to start a female only podcast network free of “creeps”, Matt offers suggestions to make Big 3 Basketball even more baller, we contemplate the Tekashi69 origin story, and make fun of the Bronfman heiresses for being part of the Keith Raniere sex cult. I feel this could be the episode that gets put in the Smithsonian.

Additionally, for our Patreon most-awesome members, we have Bonus Content featuring a dark and darker discussion of the likes of Dan Harmon’s humping-a-baby video and James Gunn’s pedo-rape Tweets and how to reconcile those in your hearts and minds. It’s disturbing, but we go there. Oh, we go there.

Neither the rockets red glare nor the illegal Mexi-fireworks bursting in air could sway Matt and I from our appointed recording rounds to knock out LMOE #127. America! You’re far from perfect, but you’re still the girl at the dance everybody wants to feel up.

On this week’s podcast we delve into the sexual mummification death of a UCLA gay studies professor in the dungeon of a William Morris executive, laugh again at Terry Crews for his tears-of-an-oversized-clown routine before Congress, analyzed Amber Heard’s call for her rich friends to protect their illegal servants from ICE, tranny-backed Scarlett Johansson, and gagged a bit discussing Mama June in her new lingerie spread.

For our fans on Patreon, there is bonus content, Panties in a Bunch: Why Are Privileged White Women So Fucking Angry? We break down the chaos and depression of white chicks with credit cards. Very feminist in our thinking, I assure you.

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My grandmother once told me, there’s a reason they don’t have boxing in the Special Olympics. She left it at that. It took me nearly two decades to figure out what she meant. And no, I’m not telling you. You’ve got nineteen years to beat me.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt fights through a raging case of cerebral herpes as we discuss CHRISSY TEIGEN breasts as dutiful mother and attention whore, SUGE KNIGHT denied request for an obvious escape attempt, laugh at KAT VON D for being a vegan anti-vaxxer tattoo artist, wonder aloud if that dude from Riverdale who wrote fat jokes about chicks on Twitter back in 2012 will ever work again, discuss the type of guy who never carries cash, and wonder if Russian Burger King doesn’t have the right idea urging their native ladies to ingest the semen of World Cup stars from around the world.

And in our Panties in a Bunch bonus segment this week, EXCLUSIVELY FOR OUR PATREON SUBSCRIBERS, I provide an explanation of the creepy email CHRIS HARDWICK sent me while dating CHLOE DYKSTRA, though also why I don’t think being creepy ought to cost you your job.

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(NOTE: We’re now recording our Panties in a Bunch outrage segment as bonus content for our Patreon members who shell out one buck in the name of humanity. This week’s segment: How Gay Pride Month Shafted Black History Month. It’s a must listen if you have half a brain. But no more than that.)

June is Offensive Podcast Appreciation month, I’m fairly sure, need to look that up. Matt and I were determined to add some nuggets of wisdom and truth to our crap salad of words this week in honor of the celebration. Did we succeed? Probably not. I think we need a life coach.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we ventured into the musings of Gender Studies deep thinker Suzanna Danuta Walters, she’s one of the best, agreed that we’d hang ourselves with a bathrobe belt if Rose McGowan pulled all-nighter rants in our living room, defended Jamie Foxx’s penis, outed Rotten Tomatoes for their gender bump, questioned how you’d know if an unemployed young actress in Hollywood was in a sex cult or merely a waitress, and Matt sort of agreed finally that Kanye West is a rap marketing genius.

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As you may know, Brian attempted to ruin the taping of this program by spiraling our entire large and delicious combo pizza onto the floor of Rocco’s. Shabby behavior.
But we carried on, into bold discussions about why nobody is watching Rose McGowan’s broken woman show, wishing for even more tragic gay conversion movies, wondering why Hannah Simone gets to casually call everybody racists without a second thought, try to imagine a worse idea than opening Starbucks up to even more vagranty vagrants, Matt defends being a low brow eater, somebody questions us on crying during the Royal Wedding, and I call out gay actress appropriation in Hollywood because nobody else will. Seriously, this is like sex that lasts 90 minutes. Well, imagine that if you’re a woman, obviously that’s 87 minutes too long for a man.
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Admittedly, this show was largely therapy for Matt and I, who at one point delved into whether midget’s have larger than average penises, or average penises set against smaller than average body sizes. It is perplexing and something a prominent journal of medicine is never going to cover with due diligence.

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On this week’s show, we covered midget peen, Handmaid’s tale fantasy feminist dystopia, Kevin Hart being sextorted by his own friend, Stormy Daniels defrocked, Ashley Graham larger than life, Johnny Depp drunken sot (for which Matt apologizes), Amber Rose and Amanda Knox genius intellects, and DJ Khaled’s refusal to go down on a woman, which is haughty stuff from a fat man. It seems raunchy, but when we discuss it like adults, it’s incredibly raunchy.

Don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes. Rumor is Apple will give you a free iPhone X if you do. Can’t confirm as of yet.

There are two theories worth considered on an all-powerful deity above. One is that he allows idiocy and hypocrisy to thrive in the human population as a matter of live and let live Darwinism. The alternative, and far more depressing theory, is that God is watching The View and “go-girling” Joy Behar who he finds hilarious and insightful. If you happen to feel strongly it’s the latter, I wouldn’t blame you for jumping off this planet.

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On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we discuss the possibility of starting our own sex cult because young actresses will fall for anything, delve into why Amy Schumer is the wrong kind of chubby for movies, explain why nobody in the media will cover the Hart lesbian mothers murder of their six adopted black children, expose the fact that the Time’s Up movement is largely a shallow Hollywood A-list actress clique, rip on Canada for being Canada, and so much more. Honestly, we talk for forever, or until they cut off our free drinks.

 

We’re clearly on the cusp of passing into forgetting what life used to be like before the Internet and social media. A long forgotten time when people did stupid stuff to get attention from their family and friends, now transitioned into everybody trying to become world famous. The Internet didn’t create knuckleheads, narcissists, and people looking to be accomplished without accomplishment, but it sure did help us figure out who those people are.

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On this week’s show, Matt and I argue, nay, fight over the right of that chick in a Florida high school to skip bras and flash her headlights, discuss the scourge of reverse sexism, deride people who bitch inanely about Facebook while on Facebook, write off Jimmy Kimmel once again, defend Apu because not everybody in Hollywood is a coward, and venture into the nature of “diversity” programs and how they really have nothing to do with helping actual minorities. Weird. We discuss.

My suggestion to Matt was that the male version of a female porn star is a drug dealer. Male porn star isn’t the answer because they’re largely merely fortunate creatures with tremendously disturbing backstories. Drug dealer gives you a better understanding of how society perceives and values the female porn star. A necessary evil that you don’t want working the sidewalk in front of you home, but when you’re in need, you want to know you can reach them. Or at least this is how they used to be perceived, until one banged the President for $130,000. I still wouldn’t do it.

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On the latest Last Men on Earth podcast, we discuss the ins and outs of ATM film star Stormy Daniels and her sexual revelations, I wonder aloud why all the Parkland High School survivors are gay, we both wonder if NFL Cheerleader don’t get exactly the job they signed up for, Matt defends the Irish from all that Irish-hate out there, we surmise that the new female-only Rotten Tomatoes site, Cherry Picks, is a huge waste of time, and Matt disappoints me by announcing that Kevin Federline is not his hero for sucking Brittany Spears dry for his living. That was unexpected.

One of the very premises of The Last Men on Earth podcast is that men are an endangered species. There is tons of scientific documentation to this effect, beyond even our pronounced random ramblings on the subject. Not so much men as people, but masculinity as a defining gender differential. The results may please a certain, rather ardent, boy-hating percentage of the population with undue influence on schools and the media, but overall, sort of a really dangerous bit of systemic eugenics. We obviously make fun of it. You have to laugh on your way out of existence.

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On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we discuss said emasculation of the men of the American culture. transgendered suing Tinder for the right to swipe askance, the “salary parity” issue on The Crown, Hollywood’s latest moral me-too craze, the inclusion rider, how Katie Couric came to be hosting a panel on being Muslim in America, and me with my continued rant about the racial profiling done by the folks at Netflix’s One Day at a Time show. Take it in, take it all in, slowly.