As you may know, Brian attempted to ruin the taping of this program by spiraling our entire large and delicious combo pizza onto the floor of Rocco’s. Shabby behavior.
But we carried on, into bold discussions about why nobody is watching Rose McGowan’s broken woman show, wishing for even more tragic gay conversion movies, wondering why Hannah Simone gets to casually call everybody racists without a second thought, try to imagine a worse idea than opening Starbucks up to even more vagranty vagrants, Matt defends being a low brow eater, somebody questions us on crying during the Royal Wedding, and I call out gay actress appropriation in Hollywood because nobody else will. Seriously, this is like sex that lasts 90 minutes. Well, imagine that if you’re a woman, obviously that’s 87 minutes too long for a man.
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Admittedly, this show was largely therapy for Matt and I, who at one point delved into whether midget’s have larger than average penises, or average penises set against smaller than average body sizes. It is perplexing and something a prominent journal of medicine is never going to cover with due diligence.

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On this week’s show, we covered midget peen, Handmaid’s tale fantasy feminist dystopia, Kevin Hart being sextorted by his own friend, Stormy Daniels defrocked, Ashley Graham larger than life, Johnny Depp drunken sot (for which Matt apologizes), Amber Rose and Amanda Knox genius intellects, and DJ Khaled’s refusal to go down on a woman, which is haughty stuff from a fat man. It seems raunchy, but when we discuss it like adults, it’s incredibly raunchy.

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There are two theories worth considered on an all-powerful deity above. One is that he allows idiocy and hypocrisy to thrive in the human population as a matter of live and let live Darwinism. The alternative, and far more depressing theory, is that God is watching The View and “go-girling” Joy Behar who he finds hilarious and insightful. If you happen to feel strongly it’s the latter, I wouldn’t blame you for jumping off this planet.

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On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we discuss the possibility of starting our own sex cult because young actresses will fall for anything, delve into why Amy Schumer is the wrong kind of chubby for movies, explain why nobody in the media will cover the Hart lesbian mothers murder of their six adopted black children, expose the fact that the Time’s Up movement is largely a shallow Hollywood A-list actress clique, rip on Canada for being Canada, and so much more. Honestly, we talk for forever, or until they cut off our free drinks.

 

We’re clearly on the cusp of passing into forgetting what life used to be like before the Internet and social media. A long forgotten time when people did stupid stuff to get attention from their family and friends, now transitioned into everybody trying to become world famous. The Internet didn’t create knuckleheads, narcissists, and people looking to be accomplished without accomplishment, but it sure did help us figure out who those people are.

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On this week’s show, Matt and I argue, nay, fight over the right of that chick in a Florida high school to skip bras and flash her headlights, discuss the scourge of reverse sexism, deride people who bitch inanely about Facebook while on Facebook, write off Jimmy Kimmel once again, defend Apu because not everybody in Hollywood is a coward, and venture into the nature of “diversity” programs and how they really have nothing to do with helping actual minorities. Weird. We discuss.

My suggestion to Matt was that the male version of a female porn star is a drug dealer. Male porn star isn’t the answer because they’re largely merely fortunate creatures with tremendously disturbing backstories. Drug dealer gives you a better understanding of how society perceives and values the female porn star. A necessary evil that you don’t want working the sidewalk in front of you home, but when you’re in need, you want to know you can reach them. Or at least this is how they used to be perceived, until one banged the President for $130,000. I still wouldn’t do it.

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On the latest Last Men on Earth podcast, we discuss the ins and outs of ATM film star Stormy Daniels and her sexual revelations, I wonder aloud why all the Parkland High School survivors are gay, we both wonder if NFL Cheerleader don’t get exactly the job they signed up for, Matt defends the Irish from all that Irish-hate out there, we surmise that the new female-only Rotten Tomatoes site, Cherry Picks, is a huge waste of time, and Matt disappoints me by announcing that Kevin Federline is not his hero for sucking Brittany Spears dry for his living. That was unexpected.

One of the very premises of The Last Men on Earth podcast is that men are an endangered species. There is tons of scientific documentation to this effect, beyond even our pronounced random ramblings on the subject. Not so much men as people, but masculinity as a defining gender differential. The results may please a certain, rather ardent, boy-hating percentage of the population with undue influence on schools and the media, but overall, sort of a really dangerous bit of systemic eugenics. We obviously make fun of it. You have to laugh on your way out of existence.

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On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we discuss said emasculation of the men of the American culture. transgendered suing Tinder for the right to swipe askance, the “salary parity” issue on The Crown, Hollywood’s latest moral me-too craze, the inclusion rider, how Katie Couric came to be hosting a panel on being Muslim in America, and me with my continued rant about the racial profiling done by the folks at Netflix’s One Day at a Time show. Take it in, take it all in, slowly.

Sometimes you wonder if you can possibly imagine what the world will be like in another twenty years. Did you have any clue what life would be like today back in 1998? Outside of Al Gore who is spotless in his long term predictions, you probably turned out to be wrong about almost everything. If you predicted twenty years ago that this week we’d have a three-time Girls Wrestling Texas State champion who identified as a boy and was allowed testosterone to the levels to dominate her competition, you’d have laughed. Or cried. Or maybe you didn’t care about Girls Wrestling outside of the WWE like the rest of us.

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On this week’s Last Men on Earth Podcast we explore this Mack Beggs full nelson, wonder when the hell comedians all moved into culturally safe, majority opinion material, anticipate the release of the next 9,457 female driven TV shows and movies coming this March, discuss whether or not we’d even want to live in the female-only African wasteland commune of Umoja, Matt unleashes some thinly veiled Seacrest hate, and I end on a happy note with school shootings in Florida. With Garrison Keillor under civilian sexual harassment arrest, we’re all you’ve got.

People in the 60’s always talk about the socially turbulent times. Imagine if they had social media back then to accelerate the spread of calls to action based on limited or intentionally obfuscated facts. That’s 2018. On the upside, far fewer people stapling rally leaflets to telephone poles. It’s all speed of hashtag bullshit pushed from cellphone to cellphone, lighting up the desire to be noble among generations of people who eschewed real service to community and country many years ago.

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On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into predicting the timeline for Rose McGowan’s murder-suicide spree, wonder if chicks getting naked in men’s magazines truly is empowering for women, ask ourselves how long we would’ve kept working for a fat dude who made us stick needles into his dick, confirm that Africa is a shithole minus the massively advanced nation made-up for the MCU and Black Panther, I debunk the gender pay gap with use of The Rock’s abs, we lament that sophomore who walked out on Princeton to confirm the end of the use for college, and then there’s a whole bunch of badly outdated gay jokes I make at Matt’s expense. Standard episode, only the best one ever!

And we’re back. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Also, a great time to cheat on your significant other, feel guilty, and pretend to be fonder upon their return. Guilt is a wonderful human emotion, easily twice the power of affection.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast we dive into Nicole Eggert claiming Chachi blasted her prior to her eighteenth birthday unwillingly, blame game the hell out of the Larry Nassar gymnast kids, battle over Jen Selter’s hot ass airline battle, lament James Franco being erased from magazine photos as the fate of all future men, label all the latter day Woody Allen movie actor regretters as hypocritical losers, and wonder why the hell no news outlet is willing to mention that Kim Kardashian bought a baby and doesn’t deserve kudos for having a stellar fake postpartum naked hot body. Ah, I missed this shit.

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We have always lived in a world where he who carries the biggest stick wins. Only it’s no longer he. And the stick is media sycophancy and the proper hashtag. You can’t blame rich ladies in Brentwood for comparing themselves to blatantly exploited migrant female farmworkers.

Everybody takes what they can get. Greedy powerful men apparently like making women watch them shower. Opportunistic wealthy actresses like making the world see them as victims. We all have our defects.

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On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into the fundraising efforts of multi-millionaire actresses, unveil the shitty new plan to pay women more in Iceland just because, postmortem CNN’s gay cruise variety hour of New Year’s Eve, put the nail in the Terry Crews anti-masculinity coffin, wonder why it’s cool for a female comedian to kick all men out of her show, try to figure out who the hell Logan Paul is, and lament how 2018 isn’t going to suddenly make idiots in this world any smarter. We cover a ton.