The Lakers celebrate Kobe’s retirement as they win the final game of the worst season in their history, Johnny Manziel and Lamar Odom seem to just want to drink themselves to death, Erykah Badu thinks girls should “lower their skirts” because men are animals with no self control, and Bow Wow (he’s not Lil’ anymore) fakes his wealth. Lex and Matt are back to talk about these important happenings, as well as the Equal Pay for Women Monument, secret totally-not-gay societies at Harvard and similar elite institutions, and Ted Cruz’s bizarre story involving a hoard of Campbell’s Soup.

Lex and Matt discuss Madonna’s meltdown over missing her son, Adam LaRoche’s retirement from the Chicago White Sox because they wouldn’t allow his son in the clubhouse all season long, and Charlie Sheen’s seven-figure child support requirement. Then you can finish nursing that St. Patty’s hangover as they talk about the WNBA, Sean Penn, El Chapo, drugs, Mariah Carey, more drugs, and the ethical and moral implications of barbering with regard to transsexual customers.

Who in the hell would hire a bearded woman as a model? What’s the latest with Charlie Sheen, Brett Rossi, and HIV? And is any black actress truly “black enough?” Lex and Matt are back from a break to answer all these pressing questions, and talk about Kesha’s Dr. Luke rape allegations, Caitlin Jenner preferring men, Blac Chyna’s effect on Rob Kardashian’s fitness, and whether Eva Amurri’s husband declining sex with their nanny is really something to brag about.

It seems every award show is just piling on the blackness ever since the Oscar nominees were announced, but that unfortunately means we have to talk about Kanye West more. Lex and Matt are back to nail these issues from both sides, plus the Sports Illustrated XL Swimsuit Issue, Gwyneth Paltrow’s super exclusive club, Ted Cruz firing a porn star, and #AdidasSoGay

Peyton Manning says “this Bud’s for me,” after winning Super Bowl 50, after Beyonce shouts out to #BlackLivesMatter and the Black Panthers at the Halftime Show (does anyone still even watch that?). Lex and Matt break it all down, plus Chelsea Handler’s tits, the sexist implications of not voting for Hillary Clinton and what she means for other people named Hillary, Casey Anthony’s new business, Lily Rose Depp’s old sexual orientation, and George Clooney’s all-white films’ effect on black acting opportunities in Hollywood.

Who knew Kanye’s ultimate weakness was assplay? Is high school wrestling the gayest sport ever invented? And is #SAGawardsSoBlack just a lazy, pandering repsonse to #OscarsSoWhite, or an actual victory for acceptance? Lex and Matt establish a firm grip on these topics, plus an Australian rape club, Charlie Sheen’s Mexican HIV medicine, reverse psychology in alcohol advertising, Blac Chyna’s airport antics, and finally they “react” to the Fine Brothers’ asinine trademark application.

How screwed up is Hollywood these days? The Academy announces affirmative action for their membership, straight celebrities are posing as gay couples for photos, and apparently no black baby is safe from a famous adoptive parent! Special guest Pete Giovine joins Lex and Matt to talk about this, as well as Amy Schumer’s joke ripoff allegations, the Buffalo Bills hiring the NFL’s first female assistant coach, Larry Flynt vs. Hef, sexual double standards regarding student/teacher bangings, and a HuffPo editor saying #WhiteBooksDontMatter.