Some guy studied how men and women rate TV shows geared toward the opposite sex, Tess Holliday claims some doctor said she’s healthy and totally not going to kill her baby with her own obesity, some college coach’s wife calls out her cheating husband over twitter, and Huffington Post proudly tweets a photo of their diverse workforce ranging from white women to whiter women. Join Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston for an in-depth look at these and other topics, including the return of Lex’s favorite segment: Panties in a Bunch!

Yes, Gwyenth Paltrow is selling her gold-plated dildo, and it can be yours for the ridiculous price of just fifteen thousand dollars! Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston plunge deep into this, as well as Ozzy Osbourne’s affair with his hairdresser, Calvin Klein’s latest underage-looking model marketing campaign, Gene Simmons criticizing Prince, Emma Thompson’s opposition to social media-based film casting, and vegan death threats toward Café Gratitude’s ownership.

 

If you’re still reading this after seeing the title, thank you.

This week, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston discuss Rumer Willis being bullied, Emma Watson’s recycled plastic fashion and U.N. credentials, pitcher Carlos Martinez’s STDs, Grimes’s Kesha-like story (or not), and Lee Daniels apologizing to Sean Penn over black domestic violence.

 

Is Azealia Banks right about Beyonce using black stereotypes to sell records to white people, even if she’s just a black stereotype herself? Is Blac Chyna’s purple Lamborghini gift from Rob Kardashian just proof of her being a whore? And what the hell is up with Adam LaRoche’s undercover sex sting in Vietnam? Lex and Matt probe these tender topics as well as Female Ted Cruz’s porn deal, Leonardo DiCaprio finding time to speak to the UN between banging countless babes, Lena Dunham’s threat to leave the US if Hillary Clinton isn’t elected president, Prince’s Percocet use, and Target restrooms.

Can Tess Holliday be fat-shamed and pregnant-shamed simultaneously? After Dax Shepard’s confession, is there anyone left in Hollywood who HASN’T been molested? And James Franco, who won’t stop talking about his sexuality, is upset that people won’t stop talking about his sexuality. Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston probe all these deep topics, as well as Cheryl Burke feeing suicidal over working with Ian Ziering on Dancing With the Stars, the death of Prince, Curt Schilling getting fired for speaking his mind about trans people taking shits, and Harriet Tubman replacing Andrew Jackson on $20 bills.

The Lakers celebrate Kobe’s retirement as they win the final game of the worst season in their history, Johnny Manziel and Lamar Odom seem to just want to drink themselves to death, Erykah Badu thinks girls should “lower their skirts” because men are animals with no self control, and Bow Wow (he’s not Lil’ anymore) fakes his wealth. Lex and Matt are back to talk about these important happenings, as well as the Equal Pay for Women Monument, secret totally-not-gay societies at Harvard and similar elite institutions, and Ted Cruz’s bizarre story involving a hoard of Campbell’s Soup.

Lex and Matt discuss Madonna’s meltdown over missing her son, Adam LaRoche’s retirement from the Chicago White Sox because they wouldn’t allow his son in the clubhouse all season long, and Charlie Sheen’s seven-figure child support requirement. Then you can finish nursing that St. Patty’s hangover as they talk about the WNBA, Sean Penn, El Chapo, drugs, Mariah Carey, more drugs, and the ethical and moral implications of barbering with regard to transsexual customers.