It’s tough being a football fan what with all the raping and the beating on the part of the players. Plus now there’s not even the comfort of your Ashley Madison account or grown man surgically adjusted to look like young Justin Beiber to turn to. It’s even getting risky to fuck your high school teacher these days. What have we become? Let’s at least put Terence Howard in jail on TV if we can’t jail him in real life, and take all the booze off the USC campus to punish everyone for Steve Sarkisian’s imaginary problem.

Rue from the Hunger Games claims Kylie Jenner appropriates black culture, Lex & Matt claim the Duggar family appropriate cult culture, Donald Trump claims Mexicans appropriate our women & belongings, and Serena Williams appropriates masculinity while Caitlyn Jenner appropriates the Arthur Ashe courage award.